Monday, May 26, 2008

Indiana Jones

Saw Indiana Jones this weekend. For anyone who was expecting some great work of art, I'll ask you to watch the other 3 Indy flicks and tell me that they were any more believable or less fantastical.

Do you honestly believe that there was a Crusade knight in the middle of the desert, guarding the chalice of his god? When was the last time you reached into some guys chest and pulled out his still beating heart? How about some sand in a box that will melt your face right off if you look at it the wrong way?

But there's more truth in the archeology in the other movies I hear you say? There are no ark theories that place the ark in Tanis, though Tanis was uncovered by a German expedition in 1936 as the film depicts. The grail knight's hideout is actually the ancient city of Petra in Jordan, named one of the New Seven Wonders of the World on 7/7/2007. And those nifty Sankara Stones? They're even more mythical than the grail apparently and even if they did exist, would be called Shiva Linga, not Sankara (who was apparently a philosopher who lived around 800 CE). And how sophisticated were those booby traps anyway? I can guarantee you that no archaeologist has ever been chased by a perfectly round boulder in the classic Indy manner.

Ok, you say. But at least those other movies didn't have aliens in them... Well you know what? One of the many actual Crystal Skull theories is that they were given to an ancient civilization, possibly even Atlantis, by extra-terrestrials, so there. Plausible? Not likely, but then neither is being able to live with your heart outside of your chest.

I'm not saying it was the greatest movie ever, or even that it was better than Raiders or Last Crusade, but I'd certainly consider it on par with Temple of Doom. Besides, it could have been worse. Apparently Lucas had seriously tossed around the idea of a Monkey King and a Haunted House at one point.

And he would have gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for you rotten kids. Indy-dooby-doo!

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