Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Yes, I'm a geek

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to present This Week's "The Big Bang Theory" Moment From Carl's Real, Actual, Non-edited or Embellished Life.

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INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

A father, CARL, and son, CONNOR, sit on a glider. CONNOR is in CARL's lap, and CARL is reading from the children's board book "STAR WARS SPACESHIPS".

CARL
Pointing to a picture of the DEATH STAR surrounded by other ships, straight from the final battle scene in RETURN OF THE JEDI.

            Death Star... this ship has a Dangerous Laser.

CARL closes the book, revealing another picture of the DEATH STAR on the back cover. This second image is just the DEATH STAR, there are no other ships.

             The End.

CONNOR
Pointing at the DEATH STAR on the back of the book.

            Moon?

CARL
Smiles.
      (BEAT)

            That's no moon. It's a space station.


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This has been This Week's "The Big Bang Theory" Moment From Carl's Real, Actual, Non-edited or Embellished Life. Please join us next week for another exciting installment.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Carl's Guide to TOS Movies in JJ Abrams' Alternate Trek Universe

[Warning: SPOILERS]

For those Trekkers who are consumed by trying to figure out how Abrams will reconcile the events that take place in the first 6 Star Trek movies with the storyline for any possible sequel, I offer the following:

Thrown off course by the gravity of the 2 newly created black holes, V'Ger (Star Trek: The Motion Picture) goes off course and veers away from Earth. It encounters and destroys the SS Botany Bay (The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock), the Whale Probe (The Voyage Home) and the Klingon moon Praxis (Undiscovered Country). Sybok perished on Vulcan, because god forbid we have to relive The Final Frontier. Finally realizing it's waaaay off course, V'Ger course corrects and runs smack into the Planet Killer (TOS: The Doomsday Machine) and they mutually annihilate.


There you have it, case closed, kwitcher-bitchin.

... yeah and monkeys will warp out of my ass.

To Boldly Go...


Saw Star Trek on Saturday. Those who know me gasp and say "you waited until the third weekend?!?!" Well, we had passes and a babysitter so third weekend it was.

Great flick. Yeah, there are some plot holes big enough to fly the ship through and there's a lot of Trek canon that goes out the window and for some reason there's a brewery in the engineering section... but putting all that aside it was a pretty much non-stop ride that I didn't want to end.

But then it did, and it left me wondering: What are they going to do in the sequel?

Because, honestly, that's where the real movie is going to be my friends.

Think about it, this was a reboot. Sure, we knew how the characters originated... um, originally, but with the "alternate timeline" (that they just about bash you over the head with in the script trying to explain it) the origins were altered and had to be revisited. The original crew had to end up on the ship. And the main characters had to have their motivations flushed out for us to empathize with them during their pivotal moments.

But now that that's all out of the way, the sequel's all about the bad guy. Think about it in some recent flicks:

Spider-Man:
First Movie: Green Goblin
Second Movie: Doc Ock

Batman:
First Movie: Ra's Al Ghul & The Scarecrow
Sequel: The Joker

You tell me which were the better baddies.

But the baddest baddie in the whole damn Trek town is Khan, and there is NO WAY that Abrams, Orci and Kurtzman would even dare to touch that for fear of half the Vegas Star Trek Con audience rushing their stage to bludgeon them to death.

Which leaves us to wonder who the next bad guy will be.

My money says that it's going to be a Klingon. Federation's supposed to be at war with them anyway, so it makes sense. Regardless, I'm excited for the sequel.

Live long and prosper. Or should I say "Good Luck".

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Khaaaaaaaaaaaan!

Ricardo Montalban has passed away.

He will be missed...

Monday, May 26, 2008

Indiana Jones

Saw Indiana Jones this weekend. For anyone who was expecting some great work of art, I'll ask you to watch the other 3 Indy flicks and tell me that they were any more believable or less fantastical.

Do you honestly believe that there was a Crusade knight in the middle of the desert, guarding the chalice of his god? When was the last time you reached into some guys chest and pulled out his still beating heart? How about some sand in a box that will melt your face right off if you look at it the wrong way?

But there's more truth in the archeology in the other movies I hear you say? There are no ark theories that place the ark in Tanis, though Tanis was uncovered by a German expedition in 1936 as the film depicts. The grail knight's hideout is actually the ancient city of Petra in Jordan, named one of the New Seven Wonders of the World on 7/7/2007. And those nifty Sankara Stones? They're even more mythical than the grail apparently and even if they did exist, would be called Shiva Linga, not Sankara (who was apparently a philosopher who lived around 800 CE). And how sophisticated were those booby traps anyway? I can guarantee you that no archaeologist has ever been chased by a perfectly round boulder in the classic Indy manner.

Ok, you say. But at least those other movies didn't have aliens in them... Well you know what? One of the many actual Crystal Skull theories is that they were given to an ancient civilization, possibly even Atlantis, by extra-terrestrials, so there. Plausible? Not likely, but then neither is being able to live with your heart outside of your chest.

I'm not saying it was the greatest movie ever, or even that it was better than Raiders or Last Crusade, but I'd certainly consider it on par with Temple of Doom. Besides, it could have been worse. Apparently Lucas had seriously tossed around the idea of a Monkey King and a Haunted House at one point.

And he would have gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for you rotten kids. Indy-dooby-doo!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The 40 Year Old Virgin

We Tivoed (is that a word?) The 40 Year Old Virgin a few weeks back and settled in to watch it last night.

Hysterical. I started laughing from the moment the movie started and Steve Carell walks through his room of action figures and I really didn't stop laughing for longer than a few minutes until the credits rolled. Totally infantile in every way, but not as crude as American Pie and its offspring... more like a Kevin Smith film. Basically, it's a guy film.

Apparently, they had to remove 15 minutes of footage to avoid an NC-17 rating. Kinda makes me curious to check out the Unrated version. Anyone out there seen it already?

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Surprisingly, Stardust didn't suck...

We went to see Stardust last night with some friends and, honestly, I had no idea what to expect. I really hadn't heard much, but based on the star-studded cast and the number of ads on TV, the hopes weren't high that this would be a good flick. Don't blame me, I said, I wanted to see Superbad or Rush Hour 3 (though based on ratings I've seen since, my choices might have been worse).

The movie begins with a voice over by Gandalf... er, Ian McKellan, who serves as the Narrator to bookend the movie. We're then treated to a young boy who discovers a magical new world and loses his virginity... which to any teenage boy losing his virginity is really one and the same.

If you're thinking that this might not be a fairy tale for young kids, the unceremonious delivery of a baby 9 months later to the doorstep of this hapless youth should cement that opinion. And I haven't even gotten to the part with Robert De Niro in drag. Yes. I'm still trying to unburn *that* image from my retina.

Anyway, the movie picks up pace and quickly becomes interesting, involving and quite humorous.

A cameo by Peter O'Toole as a ruthless king on his deathbed sets the story in full motion and establishes a rather amusing theme of fratricidal inheritance and beyond-the-grave sideline commentary.

Michelle Pfeiffer plays a witch in search of the fallen star to regain her youth and magical power. I must say, she's really showing her age, but they did a great job using prosthetics and CG to make her beautiful again. Oh wait, scratch that, reverse it. Prosthetics ugly, catwoman beautiful.

Robert De Niro does indeed get dolled up in women's clothing during a true train wreck of a scene that you can't watch yet can't tear your eyes from while laughing hysterically. I really won't tell you more because he plays a great character that needs to be unveiled and not explained.

In all, the movie was surprisingly fun to watch in a Princess Bride tradition of a modern fairy tale. Though I wouldn't call it equal in story and execution, it certainly comes in a close second.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Busy... busy... busy... repeat...

This blog was a great idea until I got a job. Now I’m trying not to remember how long it’s been since I last updated it.

So what’s been happening?

I've been working
Turns out that the Business Analyst position is pretty close to being right in line with the work I was doing at my last job, so I’ve been doing a pretty good job getting up to speed on their systems. My health care background has helped help tremendously.

The good news is that I’m now earning an income and we can start saving money instead of living check to check and trying not to dip into our savings so that we have a nice chunk of change to plunk down on a house. The bad news is that this saving period won’t last long because we can also now start looking for that house.

I’ve been at the job 2 weeks now and already there are a pile of projects on my
desk that threaten to become overwhelming. Needless to say, I haven’t had time to
update my blog from work (nor would I, boss). ;-)

We’ve been house hunting.
As mentioned above, we've begun the arduous task of hunting for a house. There are a ton out there, but unfortunately, nothing that remarkable. Sure, the homes are more affordable here, but when you get down to it it's the same as anywhere else. The nice neighborhoods with the good schools are all expensive and the closer you live to the city, the more you're going to get for your house.

A few houses looked promising this past weekend, and it's a good thing because it feels like we've been through about 50 already. One was move-in ready, beautiful, but had a smallish lot and very small backyard. It was also a full brick facade with vinyl siding around the sides and back... which is a peeve of mine since I'm of the opinion that if you're going to do brick, do brick. Siding with some brick accents? Ok. Full brick front with siding? Not so zesty.

The other house was larger, older and sitting on 1.5 acres. Wow, talk about a huge lot. The home was semi-remodeled in an awkward way with a modern full bath downstairs and a country-style kitchen. The rest of the house was original, which was a shame because the master bath was hideous and would have been the first thing we'd re-do before even moving in. The price was a bit high, but it was on the market for 4 months already, so we figured they would be willing to negotiate.

Trouble is, someone else beat us to the punch and put an offer on it today. I'll look back on this in a few months and thank them, I'm sure, for making the decision for us. It would have been a very nice home, but a potential money pit and we don't really need that with a baby on the way.

We can’t decide on a middle name.
We’ve been trying to decide on a middle name for our impending son. There’s a tradition in my family to honor a relative who has passed on and we’ve had a few deaths in the family since our wedding but we can’t decide on any names based on these family members.

There’s a thought to name him after my grandmother on my mother’s side, but I can’t exactly give a girl’s name to my son and still be able to look him square in the face. My mom countered that we could use her Hebrew name only and that she has her uncle’s Hebrew name, but I'd want to somehow anglicanize that name and it probably would come out strange. Now if we were having a girl, I'd have no problem with Rene as a middle name (which is my grandma's name without the "I"... figure it out, win a gold star...)

We saw Harry Potter 5 and The Simpson’s Movie
Both really good. They managed to whittle down The Order Of The Phoenix pretty well to its major points without leaving you totally at a loss for what was going on like in The Goblet Of Fire. Considering that TOOTP was the longest book, the fact that it's also the shortest movie is quite an accomplishment. I'm actually thankful that they took out some of the story lines (S.P.E.W for one), but a bit miffed that they completely ignored the fact that they left out that the Prophecy could have been interpreted to have been for one of Harry's classmates and not Harry. Then again, Neville and the Deathly Hollows just doesn't sound right.

The Simpsons Movie was everything you hoped it would be, but maybe not quite enough at the same time. Great jokes, great gags, all the characters being the most true versions of themselves possible: Bart skating and defying authority, Lisa concerned about the environment, Homer doing completely foolish things over and over and over and Marge trying to keep the family together through all of it. With the exception of a few CG scenes (and some 3D animation similar to the style used in Futurama) the movie was largely exactly what you'd see on TV, just longer and packed with more jokes. The movie even says as much, mocking you - the moviegoer - for having paid good money to sit there and watch it. You can stay until the very end, but there's not much that's rewarding to be seen after the Simpson family gets up and leaves halfway through the credits.

I’ve finished reading Harry Potter 6
Bring on the Deathly Hollows! In The Half-Blood Prince (who wasn't who I thought he was) Rowling obviously learned a lesson from The Order Of The Phoenix and cut the exposition and tangential story lines to the bare minimum required to move the plot forward. It was welcome, as the book was more tightly paced, but at the same time it felt a bit lacking in the rich detail that she has painted in previous books.

People call TOOTP a transitional book, merely existing to set up the final 2 books of the series. In my mind, that distinction belongs to The Half-Blood Prince. Without giving too much away to the 3 people who haven't read it or haven't heard about what happens from a friend or online somewhere, Rowling pretty much makes the final Harry/Voldemort confrontation we're all expecting in the final book possible, plausible, and ever more dangerous than any to come before.

Can't wait to burn through the final book.

The pugs are in Doggie Day Care
Now that we're at work all day, the dogs have had the house to themselves. After eating one of our dining room chairs a while back, we managed to find a gate wide enough to block off that part of the house so they could have the rest and the outside. Unfortunately, the couches are still in their area.

Day 1 on the job and we come home to a house filled with fluff. One of the back cushions had a stain on it so my wife had thrown it into the wash and left the exposed pillow part on the couch. This was apparently the "kill" signal for our pugs and they did a handy job eviscerating it. It's still sitting in the laundry room awaiting triage.

Day 2 passed without any destruction, but with a fair share of fluff in the pup's poop. At least it was passing through them. We looked into "Doggie Day Care" places where we could drop off the dogs in the morning and make sure they weren't tearing up the house, but at $20/day/dog, even with a pre-purchase discount we were still looking at $600+ per month to do this and decided it was too expensive.

Day 3 and they turned their attention on another couch pillow, but this one was a seat cushion, so in addition to the fluff, there was a firm foam core. This core was partially eaten and there was dog vomit on the floor when we got home. Clyde threw up again later in the evening and then again in the morning. Each time, it was only kibble, no foam. So we were worried that he had a blockage from eating the foam and took him to the vet where they kept him under observation, took x-rays and eventually released him back to us once it was clear that things were *ahem* "moving along".

So $550 later we decided that $600/month was a small price to pay compared to possible vet bills for whatever horrible thing they decided to get themselves into next. The pups were pretty freaked out at first, getting pushed into a room with several other dogs all crowding them as the new arrivals, but they've been there for over a week now and seem to be doing well so until we get a house with a good dog solution (read: a room we can close off completely and securely with a dog door to the outside so they can make) we'll just keep them in Day Care.

So... what's new in your life?